“Is There A Difference?” and “I Hope”

Is There A Difference?

Is there really a difference
between you and I?
Between what we’ve done
and what it means
and who we’ve been
and what we are
and what we were together?

On our knees
adjacent stalls
miles and years apart
our teeth parting
making room for probing hands

You do it to escape the dread
I do it to escape the feeling
We hate ourselves
and love each other
all the same

When they find out
you get a pat on the shoulder
a tearful encounter
I get a clap on the back
a mark of pride

Miles and years apart
I know. Do you?

I Hope

I hope you had fun
that night I felt so low
while you rode so high
I didn’t want to go

that night you said you loved me
I hoped that it was true
it brought the possibility
that I might love me, too

that night you wanted only me
I hoped it was really there
just reflected through the drinks
I hoped that you might care

that night I went home happy
trading opportunity for you
the only thing I didn’t come to know
you didn’t win me, too

that night I could not share the blame
I know it all was mine
I followed paths of hope and trust
misreading every sign

that night I turned my hate inside
and tore myself apart
became my own worst critic
and took it all to heart

that night I turned to all I knew
and hoped for something good
even though I clearly failed
I did the best I could


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